General View on Catholic Courtship
By Fr. Lodi - In courtship, young people seek to know not the other's body, but their soul.
Note from the translator: Fr. Luiz Carlos Lodi da Cruz and Fr. Daniel Pinheiro wrote a good number of articles on Courtship that we are translating now.
General View on Courtship by Fr. Luiz Carlos Lodi da Cruz
Ideal duration by Fr. Daniel Pinheiro
Mutual esteem, sympathy, trust by Fr. Daniel Pinheiro
Agreement in ideals by Fr. Daniel Pinheiro (coming soon)
The need of chastity by Fr. Daniel Pinheiro (coming soon)
Means to be chaste during courtship by Fr. Daniel Pinheiro (coming soon)
We took the freedom to break the articles when they were too big for a single email/post and we added images and headings for easier navigation.
Original in Portuguese here.
Courtship is the period in which a boy and a girl seek to get to know each other in preparation for marriage. In marriage, man and woman give their bodies, form one flesh and become instruments of God in the generation of new human lives.
But before giving their bodies, it is necessary to donate their souls. In courtship, young people seek to know not the other's body, but their soul.
Couples cannot have sex, as the other's body does not yet belong to them. Having another person's body before marriage (fornication) is a sin against justice, something like theft.
And as our body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit (1Cor 6,19) the desecration of our body is something similar to sacrilege.
[16] Know you not that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?
[17] But if any man violate the temple of God, him shall God destroy. For the temple of God is holy, which you are.
(1 Cor 3:16-17).
However, it is not just fornication that is a sin, but also everything that causes desire for fornication, such as hugs and kisses that, far more than being expressions of affection, awaken, feed and exacerbate physical desire.
Indeed, it is possible to desecrate the temple of our body even by a thought:
[28] But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Mt 5:28).
During courtship, unnecessary physical contact should be avoided. The contact between bodies (kisses and hugs), in addition to causing the desire for fornication, obscures reason. The kiss on the mouth -- or movie kiss itself -- constitutes a physical delivery, which, if accidentally it may not be consummated, nevertheless prepares or hurries it. Here it is worth remembering Christ's warning:
[41] Watch ye: and pray that ye enter not into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak. (Mt 26:41).
The pleasure of the excitement of the senses, moreover, makes young people incapable of perceiving the beauty of another's soul. Courtship in this way ceases to be an occasion for love to be an occasion for selfishness for two, each wanting to drain from the other's maximum pleasure.
How to courtship
Since courtship is the meeting of two sacred temples that want to know and love each other (souls), lovers should act similarly to a liturgical rite:
pray before and after dating;
dating only in a visible place, to avoid the occasion to sin; there is nothing to hide;
during dating, avoid going beyond talking and holding hands;
always keep in mind: “I am in front of a holy temple. Woe to me if I desecrate this temple even by a thought.”
What if this is not accepted by the other party
You have to renounce your boyfriend (girlfriend).
[37] He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me, is not worthy of me. (Mt 10:37).
And Jesus could add: “He who loves his boyfriend or girlfriend more than me is not worthy of me.”
To preserve the grace that Christ won for us at the price of his blood, we must renounce even our lives.
But there is a consolation. If another doesn't accept dating other than through scandalous kisses and hugs, he doesn't really love you, but he wants to enjoy the pleasure you can offer. True love knows how to wait.
Is it really necessary to be different from everybody?
Yes. The Christian must be salt of the earth (Mt 5,13), light of the world (Mt 5,14), leaven in the dough (Mt 13,33).
[2] And be not conformed to this world: but be reformed in the newness of your mind, that you may prove what is the good and the acceptable and the perfect will of God. (Rom 12:2)
The joy of purity
He who seeks pleasure finds pleasure. But then, comes emptiness, remorse of conscience and sadness.
He who abstains from pleasure out of love finds joy. The pure in heart are already capable of knowing the things of God much better than others. Purity is expressed in the look. When we look into the eyes of a pure person, we see something of God in his soul.
If those who seek pleasure in impurity knew the joy of purity, they would want to be pure even if it were selfish. The joy of purity is above the pleasure of impurity as heaven is above earth. Try it and tell me if it's not.
Prayer for before dating
Lord,
I am here before a holy temple where You dwell. I love You present in this temple and I would rather die than desecrate this shrine even for a thought.
Make that with this courtship I learn to love You present in the other and thus discover if this was the one You chose to be by my side for all my life.
Saint Raphael the Archangel, who led Tobias to Sara and taught him purity of heart, help us date in such a way that the angels can be present and glorify God with us.
Virgin most pure, give us the purity of your Immaculate Heart.
After dating
After dating, you should do an examination of conscience:
“Am I now loving God more than before?”